Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
