ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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