Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
