My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
