she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
