the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
