dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
