Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
