I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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