she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
