remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
