you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
