My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
