i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
