you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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