I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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