'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
