My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
