I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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