I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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