I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
