At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
