I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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