sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
