It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
