Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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