she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
