3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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