Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
