At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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