Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
