For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
