I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm bleeding and have questions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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