I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
