your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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