i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
