how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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