Sry I called you an 8
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Enjoy the penises
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
