He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
