You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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