I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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