Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
