you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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