so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
