You're so nebulous sometimes
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
