Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
