Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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