dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
