But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
