Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
