i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
