she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
